Current mood:	hungry
Current music:	Taking Back Sunday

old poems
*wrote this over two years ago...

under these clothes my body tells a story
a story told in scars
each scar has it's own tail
each tail ends in dispair
these tails entwined make up my life
adding new tails and new memories each time
each time i cut
i cut deep inside
inside my vains the answer lies
the answer to life and death combine
but somehow i fall back inside
inside this cycle i call my life
life that's meaningless and empty of drive
drive to live and drive to die
to live or die is not the question
the question is why even question
__________________________________________

as i sit i loath you more
hating you from behind this door
each breath i take so filled with hate
and i think "Is this my fate?"
hating you with all i am
and what they see is just a sham
there's nothing i have hated more
then that image i see in the bathroom door
that image i see in the mirror at night
that image that i just can't fight
it makes me sick to know that's me
that thing that i don't want to see
it's hated by many and loved by some
this image is so fucking dumb
this image won't cry and'll learn to deal
but it just wishes it couldn't feel
the whole world seems to look at me
sometimes i just don't want to be
i hate myself with all i have
even though i'm all i have
__________________________________

i'm holding on
as tight as i can
i don't want to fall
and get hurt again

i trust you more
then i trust myself
i trust you some much
it's bad for my health

your word was the one thing
i always counted on
now that i've lost that
i wonder where it's gone

i'm a man of my word
and my word is all you need
your word has gone away
now i lay here left to bleed
__________________________________________

it's not hard to detach yourself
it's really quite simple you see
imagine a rope between you and something else
now take a knife and cut it in two
it's as easy as that
our relationship has been cut and retied
time and time again
our rope is running out of space
no room to cut or tie it back up
eventually the knots are just going to all slip apart
then our rope won't be able to be fixed
but maybe that's what you want.............
_______________________________________________

ignored forgotten and not looked at
you pretend like i'm not even here
we mid as well not be together
because it'd hurt a lot less then this fear

it hurts to feel like you're forgotten
it hurts i'm the one you don't see
i worry and care what you think
but it's not like you think about me

i want to see and be around you
i want you to worry about me
i want you to think of what i'm doing
i want you to want to see me

as much as i don't want this drama
as much as i hate all the stress
as i'm starting to care more about you
you start to care about me less and less

so please just show me some feelings
please just know that i'm here
please just care for me a little
and try to catch ever last tear
___________________________________

just a bunch of old shitty poems